Monthly Archives: July 2006

Magnetic Cries

Magnetic Cries


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Filed under Pray


When I came home to Christ, I remembered I had an outstanding vow. A vow that I had broken. A vow of marriage.

Oh, it’s a very long story on how it came to be broken, and a long one again how we came back together. I cannot do it justice in this forum, and there are somethings not fit for even an anonymous blog. BUT…I do want to tell you that Jesus Christ answered my prayer when I left it all up to Him.

And yesterday, my husband and I, separated for over three years, remarried each other in a very small ceremony at our church. We are one again.

One by U2
Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say
One love
One life
When it’s one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don’t care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it’s

Too late
To drag the past out into the light
We’re one, but we’re not the same
We get to
carry each other
carry each other

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it’s all I’ve got
We’re one
But we’re not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love is the higher law
Love is a temple
Love is the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then You make me crawl
And I can’t be holding on
To what You got
When all You’ve got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
One life
But we’re not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other


extended version

Can You hear us coming Lord
Can You hear us call
Feel us knocking
We’re knocking at Your door


Filed under Seasons

Salvation, Fear and Trembling

As I’ve been working through the Arminian upbringing of my childhood and the Calvinist beliefs of my current church (and I think mine now as well), I have been confused, fearful, heartsick, and starting to question my mental state. Some days I think I’m fine…I can live with the uncertainty…and then there are days, such as I’ve had in the past week that I would like to hide under my bedcovers and cry myself to sleep, so that I can turn my brain off for a while. To make the thoughts stop. The endless cycling of the what if’s and the how can I know’s and the this says this thing’s, but the that says that thing’s, and I can’t see how they both can be true’s. I can feel them traveling over the same grooves in my brain, wearing down the matter and imprinting themselves in my soul.


Was I saved as a teen? Was I apostate for the last 20 years? Was I never a “true” believer before? If I wasn’t, how can I know whether I am now? How can I take comfort in the assurance of my salvation if there’s even the slightest chance I was not ever really saved before or am not really saved now? How do I know whether I’ve had or have now, the fruits of the Spirit? Where is the yardstick, that I might measure myself against it?


I’m not going to go into all the evidences for or against me in the last 20 years, or in the last few months. I was a sinner and continue to be one. But for Christ crucified, I believe I was saved then and I believe I am saved now. The Spirit never left me. I believe I didn’t always (even often) listen to the Spirit when I should have, but I knew who it was. I believe the Spirit wooed me back home, a prodigal daughter. I believe Jesus never did and never will let me go.


I do not simply profess, but I believe.

    All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. [John 6:37]


Filed under Difficult Questions

Baptism and the Age of Accountability

The church I grew up in was a variant of the Church of Christ, Independent, I think.  I can’t find specifics on their website, so I’m not sure.

But one of the things I grew up believing was what I think they call Believer’s Baptism, or credobaptism.  This essentially means there is some “grace period” until a child reaches the age of accountability (between 8 & 12).  At that time, the child is mature enough to determine whether he or she accepts Jesus, and this is the point where he or she fully becomes a Christian.

The church I go to now is Calvinist, and if I understand correctly, believes people are born sinners, and are extended grace by God in an irresistable way.  It appears the little ones are not saved and there is no “grace period”.  Some solve this dilemma by baptising infants.  Some solve it by looking for signs of “regeneration” in their children, as proof that God has chosen them.  Some evangelize heavily to their children.  Some, I have read, have the minister dedicate their children to God when they are born, and consider them as part of the covenant.  Not sure if they want them to reaffirm anything later.  There are probably more options…I don’t know.
It’s very confusing and disheartening to me.  I grew up one way, understood at least that part and was baptised as a believer.  I assumed my children would be taken care of until they were the age of reason.  Am I wrong?  Even if I were wrong, what would I do now?  They’re 6 & 9.  A little late for infant baptism.  Although they are both in or near the age of reason, they are both new to the church (as I have been away for most of their life), and they don’t know enough about Christianity to make an informed decision.

I wish there was a neat wrap-up of this blog post, but no clarity as yet :/


Filed under Apologetics

Suffer the little kittens

I just got back from visiting my grandmother in central Illinois. She is 85. She is outwardly frail, but she refuses to make concession to the infirmities of age. She has had a life of hard work and of much sorrow, but she, more than anyone I know, knows the Lord, and He gives her much love and strength.

About two years ago kitten of my mother’s that grandma had taken in after my mother died had to be put down. Grandma had not really wanted the cat and she never even gave her a name – she was only Kitty. But she grew to love that black cat, and kept her well.  But after Kitty was gone, grandma felt she was too old to take on another pet, even though she would have loved to. But the Giver of Good Gifts knew better. Along came a stray, only 8 months or so old, right up to my grandma’s house, and the stray would not be ignored! My grandmother has taken in this cat, named her Kitty 2, and fallen head over heels for this near-carbon copy of her old black cat.

This last week, I saw my grandma just in love with that cat. And I never saw a cat love a person so. They rock together in the rocking chair in the morning and in the evening. Kitty 2 hides her cold nose in my grandma’s hand while grandma sings to her.

I was telling a co-worker today about this lovely feline-grandmother relationship, and what she said struck me: she said the kitties who have been strays are the ones who love the most, because they know the cold and the wild, and they are truly grateful for the kindness they are being shown.

Now I know I’ve read that God allows us to suffer so that we can love Him more. And I’ve read this parable several times:

Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

“Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.[Luke 7:40-43 NIV]

But it never really hit me like it did today. Oh that I should truly love and purr in gratitude to my Savior like this little kitten. Meow!

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Filed under A-Hah Moments, Difficult Questions